People have been very interested in hearing about my retreat (honestly, much more so than I anticipated), and once I share some of the basics of the experience, many people ask, “So, what did you learn?”
Many of my learnings have been interspersed throughout the day-by-day descriptions; but here are some additional things I learned as a result of my active participation in this retreat. In no particular order, I learned:
- what real desperation feels like.
- that I am not “damaged” or “bad”; that so many things I thought were significant issues or flaws inherent in me are actually just part of the overall human condition. And that there is comfort in knowing I am not so “special” in this regard; that ALL people struggle. People before me have struggled, and people after me will struggle; it’s all just part of being alive.
- that I don’t have to be perfect; that my best effort really IS “good enough”– and that I can be comfortable, and peaceful, and happy being imperfect, and being “just good enough”. That it’s actually a relief to be “just good enough”.
- that my ego-mind is very, very strong and powerful; and will not go down without one helluva fight. BUT – my ego-mind can also be re-trained to be more helpful versus hurtful; but that the training takes a lot of active, patient, persistent work on my end.
- that I have inner resources I honestly did not know I possessed.
- just how influenced I am – especially at an unconscious level – by so many subtle, nuanced things in my life. And that I need to be very strategic, conscious, and vigilant about what I choose to allow into my life (i.e., food I eat, media messages I consume, where/how I spend my free time, the attitudes of the people around me…).
- the value of snuggling under a warm, heavy blanket in the dark, and being completely still.
- that I CAN sit for one hour, motionless, and be focused for most of that time on the present moment. That meditation really IS possible for me – and that it is a helpful, and even enjoyable, activity.
- that I really am beautiful, inside and out. That my soul is a “good” one; and that my physical body, while impermanent and ever-changing, is currently vibrant and alive and gorgeous.
- that multitasking is VERY harmful to me (even “just a little bit”) – that I am much happier, peaceful, and content when I focus on literally one thing at any given moment.
- that true “uni-tasking” is really, really, REALLY difficult.
- that I can be a force of positive change in the world through very simple actions (e.g., smiling at people; being joyous in my speech; being helpful in my actions; being calm and peaceful in my soul – and being unafraid to emit this essence wherever I am); and that I really like this.
- that I can be VERY weak, and VERY lazy; but I can also be ridiculously strong and resilient.
- that I DO have true, sincere peace within myself: that my peace is not dependent on any external forces, situations, people, or conditions; that peace really does reside within my soul. I just needed to learn how to look for it to really experience it.
- that I can talk myself into – and out of – darn near anything. And this can be helpful, but it can also be scary.
- the power and beauty of being human; we are amazing, amazing creatures.
- the power of being in the presence of a fellow human – even in silence, even in darkness, such comfort can be felt simply by being in the same physical space with another human.
- what real joy feels like.
While this is a decent list, I suspect more will be revealed as the days and weeks continue to unfold. So, I will update this page as I see more, and as I learn more. Bye for now.
(Click here to return to the Table of Contents to view the “Extras”.)
(Click here to read about how life unfolded after the retreat.) [Or use the links contained in the "Archives" section on the right side of the page.]
Your list of insights and personal awareness and development is incredible. And in 10 days!
In my pseudo-retreat I scratched a lot of those ideas’ surfaces. I don’t sit enough to feel at ease with it even though I feel so much more relaxed after doing so for a half hour. And mono tasking is hard!
Compassion for all things I feel was my biggest insight. And perhaps necessary foundation for me to be able to identify all my emotions and more importantly their source!
After reading your blog and, more recently, watching “The Dhamma Brothers”, a documentary on the introduction of a 10 day vipassana course in a prison, I definitely plan on spending vacation time to do a structured retreat in the next year :)
Stephen, it really is amazing what can be seen in 10 days of deep, focused, uninterrupted introspective, meditative time. Truly. Heck, even in brief 3-day retreats I see a LOT of stuff. For anyone who truly, deeply wants to get to know their honest selves, I really can’t think of a more effective (and did I mention honest?) way than this.
Mono-tasking is VERY hard! (I sometimes call it ‘unitasking’.) It’s interesting, my husband made a comment yesterday about meditation and how ‘relaxing’ it looks, and I looked at him and said, “Oh no hon, it is INCREDIBLY hard work!”
Compassion for all things is an *amazing* insight! It is one of the most critical components of the Buddhist path (along with the deep understanding of suffering [dukkha], change [anicca], and no-self [anatta]). Wonderful for you to get that insight so early on in your journey!
I did see ‘The Dhamma Brothers’ (though a full year after my retreat experience); if you can get to a structured retreat I highly recommend it! I’ve been to a few – let me know if you want to discuss more. :)
Yes, I can see how sitting quietly, eyes closed, maybe a slight smile accompanied by deep, even, relaxed breathing could perceived, accurately at time, as relaxing.
As we mentally stride off to the deepest, subtlest yet most influential places of our minds to calmly, wisely do battle with Mara, when he steps out to play, hehe.
Maybe i’ve been listening to too many hours of A Game of Thrones at work this past week!